I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
