I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
