u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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