i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize