Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
