i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
