Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
