My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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