Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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