I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
