I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
