I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
