sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize