Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
