Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
