i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
