I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize