I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
