Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
