I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
