Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize