i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
