Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
