he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize