I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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