This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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