New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
