he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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