im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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