please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
