i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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