I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
