P.S. I can't hear my feet
im holly from the hills drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
