She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
