this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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