ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
