He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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