I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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