Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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