I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
