Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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