I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
