when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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