The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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