Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
