you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
