you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
