I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
