I faked an abortion last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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