Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
