and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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