i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
