so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
