walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
