I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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