I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
