how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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