it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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