omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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