Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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