guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
