It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
