Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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