He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
