Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am available for nakedness
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
