He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
