Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
