So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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