Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
