Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
